Archives For Humor

Today was amazing.

And yes, this post is going to be mostly self-serving, but gosh dang, I’m excited.  Also, I’m dramatic.

Today I spoke to my first class (of 3rd graders) about treating others with physical differences respectfully.  We talked about how it’s natural to notice differences, but not ok to stare.  We talked about being curious and how to ask questions politely and respectfully.  We talked about how important it is to not make fun of others.  And I left them with this thought: YOU are valuable.  Every single person is valuable.  I asked if they knew what “valuable” meant and a sweet little girl raised her hand and said, “It means you’re worth something.”  Perfect.  I think there were a number of kids in that room who might have heard they were valuable for the first time.  Or at least the first time in a long time.  I was honored to tell them.

I’ll admit that the five minutes I stood in front while the kids were coming in was somewhat uncomfortable.  One kid came right up and said, “You have one arm.”  “I know, right?” I said.  Awesome.  I told him we were going to talk about it and he seemed good with that.  There was a lot of staring going on.  And you know why it was uncomfortable?  I wanted to engage them all!  But I had to wait to be introduced, ya know?  Once Mrs. Robinson introduced me, though, it was game-on.  “So, you guys are all, what…7th? 8th graders?” I asked. “NOOOOOOOOO!” they yelled.  Putty in my hands.  Er, hand.  I was so comfortable with them and loved engaging them in the conversation.  And they had wonderful questions!  I showed them the jumping-rope video and they all laughed at the funny parts and clapped at the end of it.  I was never more proud of what I do.  “Wow…people really do like these!” I thought.  I mean, I know that already, but it was a totally different experience to see it; to see their reactions.

At the end I fielded questions and juggled for them.  They all ooh’d and aah’d as I juggled and cheered when I was done.  It was awesome.  And a mob of them came up afterward requesting LOH cards so they could go the website later!  One kid even said, “I wish I had an arm like yours.”  Was I really that good?  So good that I made fully-limbed children want to have less arms?  Eh, he was probably an exception.

But, my very favorite part was right as I was leaving.  I had demonstrated how I tie my shoes as they all gathered around me a minute before, so as I packed-up I heard one of the teachers say, “Ok, so I know you’re all very excited to try tying your own shoes one-handed, but we need to move on now and you can try that at home tonight.”  They were ALL trying to tie their shoes one-handed!  The teacher looked at me and playfully said, “Thanks a lot.”  I could only smile.

As I left, I called my wife. “Well…that’s it. Game over. This is what I’m supposed to be doing,” I told her.  And I believe that.  I need to be out telling kids and adults that they are valuable and helping them to see that this is true for everyone.

And this was as good a start as any.

(I’d like to thank my friend Pakou for inviting me to speak and the staff and kids at Leopold Elementary for having me!  It really was a life-changing experience.  See?  Dramatic.)

(I videotaped the presentation, but haven’t checked to see if it turned-out yet. I’ll let you know.)

Tony Memmel played a show in Madison, WI last night and it was awesome.

I could basically end the post there, but I won’t.

It was a blast to connect with Tony again and finally meet his beautiful and talented wife, Lesleigh! They are just such kind and down-to-earth people. Plus, his beard…I’m so jealous. My wife and I brought our kids to meet them, too, and it was priceless to see my son Sam watching Tony’s every move. And later, my wife would say to me, “I wish we lived closer. They’re so great. Plus, I have about a MILLION questions for Lesleigh! She’s the only woman I know who is also married to a one-armed man!” Love it.

Haacks and Memmels showing-off our Lucky Fin bracelets!

Tony’s performance was fantastic. He made Redamté Coffee House his home and made us all feel comfortable. He even played One Week to Philadelphia, just like I “asked” him to! (I demanded it on Facebook, actually) Lesleigh sang with him on a few of the songs and their voices blend beautifully. The tour was sponsored by the Lucky Fin Project and Tony gave a nice plug and thank you from the stage, which was really cool. I hope to have video of the concert up soon!

After his performance, Tony graciously agreed to do a short interview for LOH. Enjoy!

Connect with Tony at his website, on Facebook and on Twitter!

Also, join the LOH fun on Facebook and Twitter.

UPDATE:  See Tony’s FULL PERFORMANCE here!  I’ve also made separate videos for each song.  Enjoy!

I’ve always loved playing the piano.

My two favorite pianists.

I took lessons for a little while when I was young and I took music theory in high school, but mostly I’m self-taught.  As with most things I do one-handed, I just figured it out.

It’s always funny when people are listening to me play and then at some point realize I’m doing it with one hand.  They get a quizzical look on their face and say, “Wait…how are you doing that??”

In late 2008 I broke my short arm.  As I began to heal and the swelling started to go down, one of my greatest fears was that I wouldn’t be able to play the piano anymore.  I remember going to my in-laws’ one day and trying to play. My arm was still swollen and I couldn’t hit one key at a time.  I started to cry.  I was mourning the loss of my ability to play piano…albeit prematurely.  Eventually the swelling went down and I gained most of the mobility in my elbow back and my piano playing resumed.  Talk about a joyful feeling!

I’ve always had fun making-up stupid songs, too.  Ask my kids.  Or my wife.  Just don’t ask if they like it.  With that in mind, I present to you the video of how I play piano one-handed!

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Ok, so I realize the title is a bit of a misnomer.

I’ve never played tennis competitively, but I’m not bad. Hopefully this video helps you see how it can be done with one hand.

See. One-handed.

Alternate titles I considered:
How To Jump Over A Tennis Net Without Dying One-Handed
How To Sweat Profusely One-Handed
How To Be Dad-of-the-Year One-Handed

Enjoy!

March Madness is in full swing, so I thought, “Why not post a video of how I shoot a basketball?”

I’ve always loved playing basketball. You can see the joy on my face in this video from 1987. (I think this was the only time I ever played basketball with my prosthetic arm.) There’s just something about that “swish” as the ball goes through the net. Even better if the net is made out of chain. I’ve never played organized basketball, either for school or a rec league, but I’ve always played with my friends. Mostly we play 21 and I hold my own. Usually.

I remember once when I lived in Minnesota, I went to a park to play with my roommate. He was a black dude from Milwaukee who gave himself tattoos while we watched TV at home. I was the only white kid at the park. I called next game over and over, but they never let me in, so finally I just marched my little self out onto center court and stood there defiantly. “I’VE. GOT. NEXT,” I said sternly. A few of them laughed, but they could sense I was serious and they let me pick my team. I was so amped-up, I was flying around the court, making shots left and right. At the end of the game, they all gave “the white boy” his props…and I promptly left while I was on-top. Genius move, I think.

It was only on my way home that I thought, “Not only am I white, but I have one arm.” Not a single one of them mentioned it and Jehmel, my roommate, never said it was a factor, but part of me wonders.

Regardless, that day I proved I could hang with the big boys.

Literally. Every one of them was about a foot taller and at least 100 pounds heavier than I was.

(My only regret in the video below is that I didn’t block one of Sam’s shots and scream in his face. That would have been epic.)

Checkout Kevin Laue as an example of a guy with one hand who’s really good at basketball!

He's got almost a foot and a half on me.  Lucky.

He’s got almost a foot and a half on me. Lucky.

(Join the LOH Facebook community and follow on Twitter, too!)

Meeting Kyle Maynard

March 24, 2012 — 1 Comment

I’m a big fan of learning from experts.

So, when my friend Travis told me that Kyle Maynard was coming to Wisconsin this weekend, I got really excited.

I used my trick and emailed Kyle earlier this week and when he responded, I was over the moon!

After a rough start (car trouble), I made the two hour trek to Tomah from Madison and arrived just as Kyle’s book-signing session was starting.

Me and Kyle

After meeting Kyle briefly, I hungout with his best friend and manager, Joey, for the next hour and a half.  Joey is great.  It was a blast to connect with him and pick his brain about speaking and publishing.

The hosts of the event invited me to stay for dinner and afterwards we all headed over to the high school to watch Kyle’s presentation.  There were probably a thousand people there!  And Kyle’s talk was fantastic.  Poignant, hilarious at times, powerful…he has a gift for challenging and encouraging others.  If you haven’t read his book, No Excuses, you really should.  He wrote it when he was 19 and it’s perfect for kids and adults alike.  His “No Excuses” message is still prevalent, but as he said, “If you come across someone who’s positive 100% of the time…RUN.”  He realizes that we all have those days and even those periods in our life when excuses creep in, but how do we respond to those times?  Do we let them keep us down or do we get back up, dust ourselves off and move forward?  He challenged us to get rid of one excuse last night.  We can all handle that.  So, what’s one excuse that is keeping you from what you want to be doing?  From your dreams?

Get rid of that excuse.

He also spoke about finding your purpose, your “why.”  When we know our why, there’s no how we can’t overcome.

It was so fun to watch all the people talk to Kyle after.  Seeing their smiles and tears and hearing them laugh; clearly that’s what it’s all about for Kyle.  Hearing their stories.

Yesterday was an experience I won’t soon forget.  Kyle and Joey were both gracious and kind and I count myself lucky to have gotten the chance to get to know them.  And to top it all off, Kyle agreed to do a little interview for LOH!  “Joey, can I borrow you for a minute?” I asked, needing a camerman.  Yeah, I probably could have phrased that differently.  Oh, well.  Enjoy!

Make sure you go to Kyle’s website and checkout the videos of him being super famous.  You can also follow him on Twitter.  And the documentary about his quest to fight MMA, A Fighting Chance, is on Hulu (naughty language alert).

There’s nothing like seeing a grown man jump rope.

You’re welcome.

In elementary school I participated in “Jumprope for Life” and I had no problems.  Kids are creative.

Enjoy the video and I’d love to see YOURS!  Post them on the Facebook page!

Apparently, if I’m ever going to write a memoir, I need to start skiing.

Not me.

I’m currently reading Emily Rapp’s Poster Child and it’s the third memoir in a row wherein the limb-different author was some sort of champion skier.  First it was Josh Sundquist, then Kevin Michael Connolly and now Emily Rapp.  Now, to be fair, they are all missing one or both legs, so I could probably get by without skiing.  But, still…

Reading these memoirs has made me try to remember all the things I did as I was growing-up.  And the fact of the matter is…I was pretty dang normal.  I never aspired to be a champion athlete, though I played every sport imaginable.  Except soccer, which is what everyone assumes I played.  “Because you don’t need hands, ya know?” they say.  I played little league baseball and was a pitcher like my hero, Jim Abbott, but I stopped before high school.  I ran track my freshman year, but then I focused on music starting my sophomore year.  I was in choir and wind ensemble and orchestra and jazz…whatever was offered, I did it.  I played trumpet, euphonium, and the valve trombone.  Junior year I went through my drama phase, gracing the stage for a musical and a play my senior year.

I’ve been to Europe and I’ve been to Haiti.  I got married and I have three kids.  I’ve been a youth pastor and I’m currently our church’s associate pastor.  I’ve held all sorts of jobs and have lived in a few different places.

Normal.

As my friend Desi said recently, “You’re just a normal guy.”

Here’s the thing I’m realizing, though: most of us are normal.  There’s a reason they’re making a movie of Kevin’s life and not mine.  He did something creative and unique!  His story should be told.  And that’s awesome.  But, I’ll admit, sometimes I get down on myself for not being more ambitious.  Like, why wasn’t I more determined to conquer everything when I was younger?  I believe I could have been a star athlete.  Or an actor.  Anything, really.  And I don’t mean for that to sound arrogant, I just really believe that when I put my mind to something I can accomplish it.  So, why didn’t I do that more when I was a kid?

I’ll tell you why I think it was.  It was because I didn’t have anything to prove.  At least I didn’t think I did.  That and I had a short attention span.  Honestly, though, you’d think I’d want to prove to everyone that I could not only do everything you two-handers could do, but I could do it better.  If I was going to Jump-Rope-For-Heart, I’d win it.  If you could win that.  I’d become a star baseball pitcher.  I’d become an actor who elicits howls of laughter or stifled sobs every time I took the stage.  Whatever it was, I’d be the best.

But it was never like that.  I did something I liked and then I moved on.  And I think that’s what most of us do.  We try things and if we like them, we keep doing them.  Most of us aren’t the best at whatever it is we like to do.  I mean, logically, only one person can be the best, so the rest of us aren’t.  And that’s fine.  We all have our own stories.  And your story is just as valid as mine or as Josh’s or as anybody’s.  Maybe our stories won’t ever be told within the pages of a book, but they will be told.  Your family, your friends, the people in your community…they’ll come to know your story.

I dare us to live a good one.

And then, to not be afraid to tell it.

Pounding nails is quite the trick for someone with one hand.

I would know.

I’ll tell you the most frustrating ones to pound, though.  You know those cheap book cases you get from Walmart or Target?  The ones with that fake-woodgrain piece of thin cardboard you have to unfold and nail to the back of the case.  Yeah, that situation is insanely frustrating.  And I know those are technically brads or whatever, but still…frustrating.

I’m not much of a handy-man (ha) per se, but I’ve used a hammer and nails enough in my life to know…it ain’t easy. I also know that I haven’t tried many other methods of doing it.  I’m sure there are countless tools or helps or methods out there, I just haven’t used them.  Again, necessity is the mother of invention, and let’s be honest…it’s rarely necessary for me to nail stuff together.

So, this is how I do it.  One way, at least.  If you have a cool way of doing it, I’d love if you made a reply video!  And if you have questions or ideas, post them in the comments section.  I promise to respond.  And if I don’t, you can totally nail me on it.  GET IT?  See what I did there?!

Sigh.

Driving One-Handed

February 25, 2012 — 23 Comments

One time my brother Joey took me to show-and-tell.

His classmates asked me all kinds of questions about what I was able to do.

“Can you tie your shoes?”  “Can you ride a bike?”  And someone asked, “Can you drive a car?”

I remember thinking that was a dumb question.  I don’t think I said it (I hope I didn’t!), but I thought, “How do you think I got here?”

I learned to drive just like everybody else I knew.  I took driver’s ed, where I was called Roger most of the time because it turned-out my instructor was my uncle’s (and dad’s) gym teacher when they were my age.  “No, Mr. Nording, it’s Ryan.  Roger is my uncle,” I’d remind him.  It also turned-out that my dad was living in Mr. Nording’s old house.  Anyway…I digress.

My driving test was a piece of cake, other than the one point I got off for parallel parking too far away from the curb.  It was the drive home I screwed-up.  My mom was adamant she drive home, but somehow I convinced her to let me instead.  We pulled into our driveway and saw smoke.  I guess I was nervous because I was riding the brakes the whole time.  Sorry, mom.

I’m happy to report that after nearly 20 years of driving experience, I’ve only caused one accident.  And that was just a bump.  Literally.  I took a corner in the snow and just kept slowly sliding toward this person stopped at a red light.  I could see them staring at me as I muttered, “Aw, crap.”  There wasn’t any damage, but they called the police anyway.  After that my memory gets hazy.

As I say in the video, I’ve never had to modify my vehicles in any way.  Sometimes it’s a pain to pull the door shut because I have to reach across myself to do it, but it’s not a big deal.  Also, going through the drive-thru is a challenge.  If you want to try it yourself, the next time you go through one, only use your right hand.  I dare you not to drop the change they hand you.

Ok…I’m going to go sit in my Buick Time Machine now and listen to some Spin Doctors.

Enjoy the video!