Usually I take advantage of an awkward situation and try to make it funny.

Especially when it involves my arm.

Not tonight, though.

I went to pick-up a pizza for dinner and as I waited, one of the employees started messing around.  “Dudes, I just cut off my finger!” he yelled and laughed.  “We’re gonna have to cut off the rest of your arm to prevent infection,” another kid said.  “Totally!” another one agreed.  “Here’s your pizza, sir,” the last guy said as he handed me the pie.  I just stood there, annoyed.  Did none of them notice my arm?  Or did they and they just didn’t connect the dots about what they were saying?

All I know is that usually I would have thought it was funny.  I would have said something like, “That’s what I had to do!”  But, not tonight.  Tonight I was grumpy.  I’ve been sick for nearly three weeks, I can barely speak because of said sickness (coughing), I have a headache, I’m tired, it’s literally going to be 50 degrees below zero the next couple days, I doubt the Packers are going to win on Sunday…you get the point.

So, why am I telling you this?  See, I have a deep sense of responsibility when it comes to my role in the world.  Part of that is being funny.  Part of it is being a teacher.  I put a lot of pressure on myself to take advantage of these types of situations and when I don’t, well…I feel like I failed.

We all have these moments, though, right?  We’re not proud of them or happy they occur, but they do anyway.  I know parents of limb-different kids look to me as an example and I strive to be a good one, so I figure some honesty here will go a long way.  Your kids will get frustrated at times.  Frustrated with a task.  Frustrated with people staring or pointing.  They might even snap and react in a way that “isn’t like them.”  And nobody really grows out of that.

While I didn’t snap tonight, I certainly reacted in a way that was out of the norm for me.

And that’s ok.

You know why?  Because it’s part of life.  We all have bad days.  We all react in ways we wish we hadn’t from time to time.  And you know what happens after we do that?  We feel kind of bad, maybe a little out of sorts, and then we move on.  We apologize to those we offended (if we did) and try to get our groove back.  Usually it just takes time.  Other times a good friend helps us through.  Somehow or another we get past it and start acting “like ourselves” again.

When I left the pizza place, I thought to myself, “Well, that was a waste.  That could’ve been super funny on Facebook.”  And while that’s true, I also realized I wasn’t giving myself grace to just be a dude.  A dude who was feeling grumpy.  I need to remember to do that.  We all do.

Especially now that we’re all only days away from breaking our New Year’s resolutions!

There we go…a zinger.

I think I’m turning the corner.

Be gracious and patient with yourself.

I will, too.

Last weekend was awesome!

Our trip to Ohio for the 3rd annual Helping Hands Midwest picnic started on Thursday as we made our way to Indianapolis for a fun overnight visit with our friends, the Thomas family (from MySpecialHand.com).  My Sam became fast friends with little Sam’s older brother, Carson, staying awake until late into the night telling each other stories.  My girls, Anna and (eventually) Claire, were in love with their dogs.  Thanks for having us, Eric and Jenni!

Friday morning I had the honor of speaking at little Sam’s school.  Four classes of kindergartners packed into a little space in the library.  And they were awesome!  The talk went really well and they did a great job listening.  I also learned that the question-and-answer time at the end might best be reserved for groups of older kids.  Though that was probably the funniest part of the whole presentation!  “Yes, you had a question?”  “My mom likes lasagna!”  “Awesome!”  I was also asked about a poster behind me and, “What do these footballs mean?”  They were baseballs.  So good.  My wife and kids got to be there for the first time, too!  That was awesome.  I’m so grateful for the teachers at Delaware Trail Elementary and their willingness to let me tell their kids that “Different is Awesome!”

Audience participation at its finest!

You got HAACKED! Sigh…

Eric took some fantastic pictures and a little video of my visit – click here to check them out.

Continue Reading…

In January I had the pleasure of traveling to Boston for an event with my friend Tony Memmel.  Due to some unforeseen circumstances (ahem – missed my bus from Madison), I ended-up getting to the airport a little early.  I sat down to eat breakfast and a little while later I noticed Tony and his mom, Katie, sitting at a table on the other side of the food court.  Instead of going over, I just watched.  I know that sounds creepy, but I don’t mean it that way.  I just mean that I watched a mother and her son enjoying their time together.  They smiled, they laughed, they looked comfortable; like two people genuinely enjoying each others company.  Eventually, I did make my way over and we walked toward our gate together.  They hugged, said their “I love you’s” and told each other to be safe.  “There’s all this weird construction around the airport right now; I don’t like that she has to drive in it,” Tony told me.

Having recently finished Katie’s book, Five Fingers, Ten Toes: A Mother’s Story of Raising a Child With a Limb-Difference, the exchange I witnessed between the two of them in January comes as no surprise.  They are quite the pair, those two!  In her book, Katie recounts her journey as a young mother raising a different kind of child.  What I love most about Katie’s story is the honesty with which she tells it.  Her struggles, her fears, her bad reactions, her confusion…all on display.  What is also on display, though, is her growth and her wisdom.  She shares with us her philosophies on parenting and tells us how she did it without making the reader feel like they’re a bad person if they don’t do it the same way.

It was so interesting for me as a limb-different person to read about the experience from her perspective.  To hear about the painful beginnings in the delivery room and to know that my own mother went through much the same experience.  To see the many parallels between Tony and I.  My mom read the book, too, and hasn’t felt able to talk about it with me yet.  “It’s so, so powerful, Ryan,” she told me, “I’ve had to set it down numerous times to just cry and remember.”  She connected so deeply with the joy and the pain that Katie went through and found it overwhelming to know other women went through the same thing.  If you’re a parent, especially a mom, of a limb-different child, you need to read this book.  It will affect you deeply.

Ultimately, though, Five Fingers, Ten Toes is a book for anyone that likes a good story;  Katie’s is rich and she tells it well.  And it’s not only Tony’s inspiring story about overcoming obstacles along the way to becoming an accomplished musician.  It’s a story about a mother and a father, finding their way.  A sister (Hi, Megan!) who was loved by her brother and parents and has her own story to tell.  It’s about a family.  It’s about love and respect and hope.

And I, for one, am I’m so thankful Katie shared it.

You can purchase Katie’s book through Amazon or her website and you can learn more about Tony at his website, TonyMemmel.com.